Hey guys.. you know how i'm always saying the same'o things like "oh my week went badly" in prayer meeting and stuff? well, today was kinda the worst week ever? I mean i've had tougher weeks thn this, but today's was so bad that i really din feel like going to church at all. Honestly. If anything, this post should help you realise that leaders are not immune to spiritual attacks, but are more prone to it.
ANYWAY, this post is supposed to be a testimony, NOT a sad whiny post =D HAHA. okok..
Like i was saying, i woke up feeling sick and tired of everything (sounds so emo o.o), i was sick of people being unable to make it for church, sick of studying -_- sick of my circumstances..
you see have u ever felt so on-fire for God so much that it burns you whenever you see people critiscing him? have you ever been so passionate that you wanna make Him a part of your day EVERY minute EVERY second? Have you ever felt hurt when you see your friends say "no" before you even bring up the topic of church, simply because they know you'll ask them to church anyway? well, this is how i am. You see i am so passionate for God that it really burns me to see my friends walking away from Him, saying that God is not real and such, and ireally wanna talk to them more about it, but due to my circumstances i just cant! At this time of my life, throughout the year of 2008, sec4, i've been busy as a buzzing bee, so much so that i'm unable to really testify for God in my school, my oikos! Even during the o level's, im unable to meet up with people to disciple, to nurture and to grow them, and then watch them stay stagnant and eventually die off, and i see people who intially see interest in God, have that interest extinguished over time. It's just so sickening to me. And on sat morning, i guess the devil knew all that i was facing, this bitterness and anguish of being unable to unleash all i have for God. he began whispering to me deceit and lies, so much so that i just felt like giving up. he just kept saying over and over again things like, "why do u still go to church and are unable to show all you've got? people won't mind that you arent there, people still remain people when you're not there, its okay not to go, who needs you anyway?" and honestly he got through me. Felt utterly crushed. Still manged to bring myself to the bus stop and everything. So i started to play music. And here's what happens..
1) i on my bluetooth eye piece
2) i randomly play a song
3) it plays on this song called "im yours" by planet shakers which i never even knew i had
Seriously i din noe i even had such a song in my phone, never saw it before, never heard of it. The moment it started playing, i just began to listen so intently to the lyrics, i was desperate for God to rescue me. And i wasn't disappointed.
So no matter what the cost
I will go for You
No matter what it takes, I'm Yours
Because You paid the price at Calvary
I give You my whole life, I'm Yours
that was the chorus, and thn God gently nudged me and told me "rem what you signed up for when u dedicated your life to me?" so i just began praying to Him for strength, to guide me etc etc.. I cried. yes yes strong men do cry. =) anw, imagine a idiot crying it a busstop, does that seem weird to u? hahha. but anw im so glad that God managed to get through to me, and during the sat prayermeeting at 3rd level, i played that song again n i complained to God " Father its not fair, i have so much to give you, so much inside of me, but i'm unable to show it coz of my circumstances now. i'm tired of all this and i want a breakthrough. i pledge my availability to you after all these commitments that i have in my studies so that i can help my friends and oikos". I felt so much better after letting that out, and i'm sure that God is there for me.
This is some clarification btw, when i said i was busy as a buzzing bee, it's not an excuse to be on fire for God. regardless of how busy i was i made time for God every single second that i could. But i couldn't give alot of time to people who really wanted to know God, all i could give, i gave, but it just wasn't enough some times, hence the frustration =)
ALRIGHT CHEERS! irvin =)
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall never be in want.
10:03 PM
10:03 PM